Long time no see, eh? My excuse is that I was dog tired and busy as a bee, as you will see shortly (in another post). So it’s time for a catch up post. We’ll leave infertility til the end, so those of you who like your sweet without the bitter can leave before I get there.
As we enter the second half of May, the garden’s coming fully to life here in Southern Michigan. The chives and onions came up in mid-March, really, but are now really going gangbusters; as you can see, the chives have got plenty of blossoms about to open. I always love how they look like tiny heads of garlic perched on wobbly stems, and the mechanics of plant structure just sort of takes me aback. Like, how is that thing even standing upright in all the wind and pouring rain we’ve had lately?
The rain means that almost everything green is just growing about a foot a day, including misplaced grass and all the Canada thistle in the world, or so it seems. I spent a good hour pulling weeds and will probably spend another tomorrow re-pulling the same ones, but that’s early spring. I couldn’t ask for nicer weather than we had today: mid-60s, sunny, nice breeze and blue skies. It’s been the kind of day that makes me wonder why I don’t sit outdoors in a hammock all the time (and then I remember that we don’t have a hammock, and that in about a month the yard will be overrun by mosquitoes despite my best efforts to attract every bat in a ten mile radius). That’s actually my plan for tomorrow: Outside, under the tree, with a book and a glass of lemonade. But if you know where to buy a good hammock for cheap, do let me know.
I also wanted to share a picture of one of my birthday gifts. The gorgeous birdseye maple and bubinga box in the middle of my dresser here was something I’d been wanting for a while. My wonderful husband made it for me and gave it to me for my 30th. Right now it’s filled with precious soaps, which actually fit in there pretty well. I love it so much I want about five more of them. You can also see Mr. Bat in the background, who I received as part of a critter swap on BPAL.org (no pics of what I made, since that was during the Great Memory Card Loss of 2009 — but let’s say Pirate Rabbit and leave it at that).
Speaking of BPAL, the grey boxes and tea chest on the left there contain most of my perfume collection. Items for swap are kept in a box in one of the drawers to minimize light exposure, but things I know I’m keeping sit out like this where I can mostly see them. I think the smoky gray plastic helps protect them from the light, like little glass vampires, but I’m probably deluding myself. Still, all the 5ml bottles are in the tea chest, safe and sound, and it’s all in the only air conditioned room in the house for the summer.
You didn’t ask, but here’s the rest of my Tour de Dresser. The runner underneath is a wedding gift from Great Aunt Dolores, whom I love to bits and want to be like. I’ve got art postcards and ATCs on the left, along with bits of paper I’ve collected like a magpie. A pareo from Hawaii, a headband I made; a lotus dish (also from Dolores) with my makeup. The leopard box is (surprise) from Frederick’s and is a lingerie hiding place. I also keep some packages to go out (well, the ones with perfume in them) tucked back in there, and lots of my bath stuff from Villainess, Arcana, and HAEE. What’s your dresser look like? I mentioned to my friend Jess that I thought mine indicated that I am a clutterbug at heart, because it really, really makes me happy when I look at it. She said that dressers are kind of supposed to be little shrines, and I realized that mine kind of is, to stuff that I love.
And now, the not-so-cheery part. Today marked the beginning of cycle number 20 for us, of trying to get pregnant. The first person to leave a “relax, it’ll happen” or other smartass comment in the comments will be summarily kicked in the pants from here until 2 Sundays from now. I really, really thought this time was it. We have had one early loss, in January, and otherwise really no signs of hope, even. It sucks being here, and I hate it; when I think that, if it had taken that first month, I would have an almost-one-year-old, it makes me cry and kind of want to punch my pillow a lot. We are at a point where things become more expensive in the realm of testing and treatment, which means we have to wait a few months to proceed. Did I mention that I hate this? Because I do. Actually, I think that may be all I have to say on it right now. I feel like this whole TTC process has turned me into a bitter husk of a person, and I’m tired of postponing my life for something that feels like it will never happen. I would like my sanity and some of my innocence back. kthx.
Over and out, for now.