Actually, this post really is about my eyes. When I was little, I used to want glasses so badly I almost faked my way into a pair by deliberately failing vision tests. They caught on at some point, though. After I got through that phase, I was really proud of my 20/10 vision, and the fact that I could read highway signs from really far away. For whatever reason, it became a point of pride for me, which I realize is slightly ridiculous — but there it is.
Two years ago I started to notice that my left eye wasn’t working right. It was giving me a headache, and it didn’t seem willing to focus in tandem with my right eye. The first time I realized this I thought I’d slept on the eye funny — you know how it is when you wake up and one eye is all out of focus? Like that. But after a few months I had to admit that this was not the case. I made an appointment with the optometrist and went in, stomach all aflutter. (See, I had managed to convince myself that the vision failure was due to a brain tumor.)
As it turns out, it was only a minor vision change. I figured they were going to tell me that my left eye was horribly different from my right, but I think the prescription ended up being only slightly stronger than reading glasses from Target. I picked some cute frames and went on my way, less headachey but a little freaked out by seeing the frames every time I looked at anything. I actually still feel that way about them, almost two years later. I get tunnel vision and kind of act like I’m wearing sunglasses or something.
But now I’ve noticed that both eyes seem to be going downhill. I should have known this was coming; both my parents had atrocious vision. My mom had bifocals or trifocals, possibly; my dad is legally blind without his glasses, or ought to be. But it’s still unnerving. I sit on the couch and I can’t really read the cable TV guide — the letters all blur and I find myself squinting at it. Same with book titles on the bookshelf. And they’re only ten feet away from me. When I read a book, I squint. And it doesn’t help that much.
I think part of the reason it freaks me out so much is it’s really the first truly noticeable sign for me that I’m getting older. I wonder what kind of prescription I’ll get this time? Will the change be as big as I perceive it to be, or will it be just another tiny step? I’m hoping to order from Zenni Optical, which has lots and lots of cheap frames — and I’ve heard from several people that they’re quite satisfactory. But it still freaks me out.
Posting this reminds me I’ve got to call the eye doctor and make an appointment.